Supports for Bereaved Parents and follow on from Irish Independent article

If you're newly bereaved and have found yourself looking on my page, then a gentle welcome, I'm very sorry to hear you've lost a little one, I hope the support I mention below may be of benefit and that you will feel less alone and seen in the love you hold for your little one.

You may also be here because of an article in the Irish Independent on the 12th March, which mentions my website and it's role in the set up of the baby memorial garden The Butterfly Garden, Swinford. 

When Sarah asked me to be a part of the article, her goal was clear to me. She wanted to highlight the importance of connection and shared experience in loss. But also all the various support charities that are available for bereaved parents. Mine and Sarah's loss experiences differ in the sense that her Jack lived for a short time, and my Sophia died in utero. Despite our journeys being different, our love for our child stands the same and the grief we hold is similar as a result. Sarah's journey introduced her to charities she wouldn't have known about prior. In the same way that my journey introduced me to charities, I wouldn't have known much about before my own experience. I'm writing this blog because we want to highlight the supports that exist that may help bereaved parents who find themselves in our positions in losing a child.

The Butterfly Garden, Swinford - Facebook and Instagram tag @thebutterflygardenmayo

I'm mentioning The Butterfly Garden first as this memorial garden is mentioned in the article. If you go to a blog I wrote on 30th May 2020 titled "For baby angel families of Swinford and surrounding areas." you'll see the idea I had of a baby memorial garden with my grief making me question if it was a crazy idea or not. You'll also learn how the idea came to mind. As I've said to Sarah I've never actually updated my blog on the creation of The Butterfly Garden and I know that stems from some Imposter Syndrome. There are moments I still feel it's surreal that this little idea became a reality and now exists with the name The Butterfly Garden. I remember Sarah backing me in the idea and I remember Anita ringing me saying "Let's do it". Two core members of The Butterfly Garden. Then all the women that attended the first meeting. When all of us mothers got together, the love was so empowering and I know that's what kept the dedication and passion in setting up the Garden. The Garden is based adjacent to the Brabazon Woods walk trail in Swinford Co. Mayo. It is a space full of colour, showcasing the love we hold for our little ones and reminding people of the importance of their little lives. It won the IPB Pride of Place award in 2023 for the work in supporting bereaved parents. It is a space where parents can go and know they are not alone whether they share their grief publicly or privately, that their baby is remembered. I have a piece sitting my drafts on the garden which I wrote after we won the award and after talking to Sarah today I think I will post it. Maybe I need to allow a bit of my ego in and question the imposter syndrome I've been experiencing.

Feilecáin - www.feileacain.ie

Féileacáin is a not-for-profit organisation that provides support to anyone affected by the death of a baby during or after pregnancy.  - CHY 19635 CRA 20077235.  

In my loss, Féileacáin has been a vital support. When we lost Sophia Féileacáin provided us with a memory box which had two teddy bears, one now with Sophia and one with me. Pendants, a notebook, support leaflets, a box for hair clippings, a box of lip balm for babies and hand prints. I was lucky to get both clay and print imprints with Sophia thanks to Féileacáin. Féileacáin are also an organisation which provides Cuddle Cots to families, the cuddle cot is a cooling device which allows parents to have time with their baby before they have to say their final goodbye. We were lucky to have Sophia with us for 4 days, holding her and breathing in her existence even for that short time.

Following my loss Féileacáin has remained a core support with having access to their online Facebook support group, the memorial services they hold seasonally. The candles and memorabilia that they continue to provide, the teddy bears for siblings, and more. 

The main support I have used with Féileacáin is their workshops both in person and online, in particular the creating workshops. I have loved being able to give myself time and space to spend with the sole purpose of remembering Sophia and creating something for her. I know equally Sarah has found the support from Féileacáin incredibly helpful and she received the same supports as I have from Féileacáin.

A Little Lifetime Foundation (ALLF) - www.alittlelifetime.ie

"Our mission is to empower families to navigate the grieving process with dignity and resilience. Through our programs, support groups, and online resources, we strive to create a safe and nurturing environment where individuals can find solace and connection." - ALLF website

When we lost Sophia we were provided with an ALLF support pack consisting of a booklet to write details of your baby, prints, a place for a photo and a leaflet with supports available. Along with this, we were also given a little keychain of a teddy bear and a heart. The heart was placed into Sophia's hand and is with her, while the bear keychain is on my husband's set of keys I opted for the Féileacáin pendant wanted us both to have something that shares a part with Sophia.

They also provided an ALLF notepad which I used in the early days to write poetry in releasing my grief.

ALLF also have a magazine which showcases supports and babies stories allowing connection for bereaved parents. I have written articles previously and found it a source of comfort. ALLF like Féileacáin run support groups and events that also support bereaved parents, they also have a Facebook group for bereaved parents which I have found to be very supportive. 

Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep (NILMDS Ireland) - www.nowilaymedowntosleep.org › blog › nilmdts-Ireland

"Remembrance photography is an important step in the healing journey. Photographs are one of the most precious and tangible mementos parents can have, showing the love and bond that was given and shared with their baby. These portraits will last for generations, honouring a tiny life forever loved and cherished." -NILMDS website.

As we lost Sophia during COVID-19, the way this charity got involved was different to the norm. Usually, a photographer will come into the hospital and capture photographs of parents, family and baby. These are photos that are truly cherished for the rest of our lives. With Sophia we took photographs ourselves, the bereavement midwife in NMH also took photos for us and these photos were emailed to NILMDS Ireland where a photographer then made these photos more professional. They are professional photographs which honestly you don't think of the importance of initially. I know for some people it's a struggle to think about taking the photographs but they truly are a part of the healing journey. I can say Sophia had professional photographs done thanks to NILMDS Ireland and I can look at the photos and remember the beautiful little girl that once laid in my arms.

Similarly Sarah received photography services by NILMDS Ireland and was able to have photos taken in the hospital with baby Jack. Photos she equally cherishes.

From Sarah's experience she has had support from all the above charities but also there are two more that she had vital support from when her Baby Jack was born. Jack lived for two months and while he remained in NICU these are the charities that helped Sarah during this time.

Hughs House - www.hughshouse.ie

"We are a registered charity that provides free accommodation to families while their children are inpatients in Temple Street,  Rotunda, Coombe & Holles Street hospitals." - Hughs House Website

During Jack's short but meaningful life Sarah was provided with free accommodation while Jack remained in the National Maternity Hospital (NMH) Holles Street.

Ronald McDonald House - www.rmhc.ie

During Jack's journey in NICU in NMH he was eventually transferred to Crumlin Hospital and during this time Ronald McDonald House provided free accommodation to Sarah for Jack's time in Crumlin.

Hughs House and Ronald McDonald House also provide food and cleaning services from volunteers in the community. Both are hugely resourceful and supporting to parents who need a space to stay while their little one remains in hospital.

Anam Cara - Supporting Parents after Bereavement - www.anamcara.ie

"Anam Cara Parent Bereavement understands we don’t live in an ideal world, we live in a world after our precious children have died before their time. Bereaved parents have set up this organisation to help themselves and all bereaved parents cope with their grief and loss and journey on." - Anam Cara Website

Anam Cara have resources available for bereaved parents, bereaved siblings and grandparents online. They have leaflets for various perspectives such as "dads grief" "mothers grief" "Adults dealing with the death of a brother or sister" "Milestones and challenges" "Coping with sudden death" and more. Their website also give you information on self-care and health and nutrition.

There is a feature for dads stories and living with no surviving child. As well as these written format resources they have an array of online videos to support bereaved parents.

Anam Cara offer peer to peer support, have a podcast series called "Conversations in Grief" and run frequent online bereavement information evenings.

Safer Births Ireland - Facebook @SaferBirthsIreland Instagram @Safer_Births_Ireland

Safer Births Ireland is a newer Organisation with a mission of "preventing birth injurieis and babyloss. Advocating for Safer Maternity Care, Raising awareness and supporting families." - Safer Births Instagram Bio.

Currently they are campaigning for a National Independent Maternity Commissioned Inquiry in Ireland and we are leaving the link to sign the campaign below in support of this. https://l.instagram.com/?u=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.change.org%2Fp%2Fdemand-a-national-independent-maternity-commissioned-inquiry-in-ireland&e=AT38r8RHzBVQ5WzvT89Y8bGqLNbySF5hLe7LGJANdx0_w8kzomneMYfdYpzdheaWLX5Vj6kdbwgBcx7k4BklpSG-8V-_2pjB

There are a number of supportive charities that exist for Bereaved Parents but these are the ones that made an impact on our journey after loss. Alongside these charities, connection and sharing our grief has had a positive impact on us being able to move forward in our loss with our little one forever remembered and remaining in our hearts. Sophia and Jack brought us together which makes our friendship even more valuable. If you've recently lost a little one please know you're not alone, there are bereaved parents out there who completely understand and are there if you need to reach out. There are also amazing charities like above which provide resources, workshops and support.

Keep Smiling for your babies like we smile for Sophia and Jack.

Steffi and Sarah