For baby angel families of Swinford and surrounding areas

Two Months Ago - Written by Stephanie Maloney

On 25th May 2020, I cried my eyes out. Not out of sadness but out of love. I mentally was trying to prepare for the 26th May, it'd be two months that Sophia was born. The happiest day of my life, believe it or not. The tears began as I thought about how happy I was when I got to hold her, and I continued to cry as the pain of losing her remains behind my smile. But after speaking to other baby angel parents, I believe it will get easier to bare in time. But everyone needs to realise, the pain in losing a baby/child is always there.

On 26th May 2020, I remember thinking how is it possible that the second month is harder to face than the first? But then I remembered, grief is a nasty cycle. Luckily, a vase I had personalised for Sophia arrived on that day, so I was able to leave fresh flowers up with my princess. I spent extra time with my angel at her forever bed as I always find comfort in this. As I sat there I reflected on what I had been through, I felt peace and joy in thinking of all the good Sophia has brought to me. I then visited some other baby angel graves that I'm aware of in Swinford town and I thought of the parents of angel babies that have sent me messages about my blog. Something that has struck me is that some parents have thanked me for having a bench at Sophia's forever bed, as they were able to spend time by her and think of their angels too.

Sophia's fairy garden

I know the importance of having a place to sit and reflect. I know this because of Sophia. I mean my dad and fiancé created a fairy garden in memory of Sophia, I've made two flower pots that I can take with me to Dublin that are in memory of Sophia also. I have these on top of having Sophia's forever bed. Just having a place to sit and reflect, it's amazing the comfort it has brought to my family.

Sophia's garden basin

I guess when I got those messages from other parents, it made me feel lucky that I got to hold Sophia, some angel parents were not as lucky as me. Some parents gave birth to babies and never got to see them again, and miscarriages, I feel miscarriages are often overlooked. It angers me because the pain of any loss is horrible. A miscarriage is a loss. I feel those losses are often hidden because parents don't have a choice. Some parents keep their loss to themselves because of how early they lost their baby, that pain is unimaginable. To have to cope in silence is horrible. Others would prefer to not talk about their loss, I completely get that too but I know those parents can never forget and will still feel the pain. I then started to think does Swinford have a place for families of angel babies to sit, reflect and think about their angel babies? If it does I'd love to know where it is. I'm aware of the stunning youth memorial garden and the memorial for the mass baby grave but are Swinford angel babies included anywhere? I then thought hey, if there is no memorial garden maybe I could look into how to get one for Swinford because like I've said before, are you aware of the number of beautiful angels in Kilconduff Cemetery? That's only one cemetery. Swinford is a big community that includes a lot of surrounding areas with more graveyards, so you can imagine there are even more than that.

So If you've read this I'd like to hear your opinion on whether it'd be of interest to you, whether you know if there is already a place that I just don't know about. If there is, I'd be shocked, as I've lived in Swinford town my whole life. I've asked friends and even they've never heard of any. If there is a place, please let me know so I can raise the awareness that one exists and so I can go myself. If there isn't then I guess if there is enough interest and it's not just my grieving mind thinking that a place of memory for baby angels would be nice, then leave a comment or private message me. I have places to sit for Sophia, but what about a place where people can go, a place that honours baby angels of Swinford and surrounding areas?

Sophia's Forever Bed

I think Swinford has always had a strong community spirit. We need to break down the barriers around talking about baby loss because I feel every family has been affected in some way by miscarriage, stillbirths, infant loss and even child loss. I feel we need a place to honour and remember our beautiful angels, we shouldn't feel sad or embarrassed as a community, we should be able to embrace one another's pain, the love and strength within that pain and ultimately celebrate our baby angels. I've had messages from people from other county's where they've created memorial gardens for baby angels, I've had people tell me that thanks to the memorial garden they felt support and release, some parents can't talk about their babies because it's extremely hard to, some parents don't have a place to sit to think about their babies, as they never got to take their baby home like I did. Some parents have never told people they've went through this loss, but maybe a place like this would bring them peace? I for one, think it'd be lovely to have a place where I could sit and imagine Sophia playing with all the other angels, a place where baby angel families can share their pride. A place for all families and friend's of baby angels to be able to sit, and reflect. If people agree with me, or if a place already exists please let me know. If there isn't a place, then maybe it's about time there was! Let me know your thoughts, you're welcome to private message me if it's more comfortable for people.

In the meantime, let's keep smiling for families of baby angels. Smile for the angels of Swinford and surrounding areas. Smile for the worlds beautiful angels and smile for my Sophia. I know I will always.