Trusting Time & Purpose

I had big hopes, big dreams. I wanted to create a small business in honour of Sophia and her little friends with products inspired and named after other babies taken too soon but 2 years in and no forever home yet, no space. All these ideas but just no resources right now to do them.

We have to make decisions in life so I decided to hold off on my ideas, first I said I'll give it until after our wedding, but perhaps the timing just wasn't right. Will I try again in the future? Maybe.. Maybe not. I think the answer will come to me on the day we do manage to secure a forever home.

I kept hoping the day would come that I'd resume making products but I also had to be realistic and tell myself wait for the right timing. So instead I leaned into enjoying motherhood and progressing my healing. I completed a bereavement counselling course, which I know has only given me a deeper understanding again of the complexities of grief and has allowed me a deeper understanding into my own journey after loss.

One day will I offer help to others..?

Someday I might be able to offer one to one grief work, group work. But at the moment I have some imposter syndrome going on with that idea though and I'd have to do research on the logistics of it! I come across as someone who has confidence or so I'm told but let me tell you, behind the fearlessness is a lot of self affirmations and telling myself I can do this while also holding a bit of disbelief. I'm only human.

But for now again, I'm happy to see my own progress in healing, and understanding my grief as a bereaved mother. I feel like as my grieve evolves, so do I. One thing remains the same and thats the love I hold for Sophia. The passion I have for breaking stigma of babyloss.

So look it's disappointing my small business idea didn't work out but that's part of life. I've accepted that the timing isn't right, maybe one day it'll seem a better time but for now I've got to focus on today, I'm enjoying motherhood but I'm also feeling more strong and ready to return to the mental health services to help those who need it once the opportunity arises that is.

So no, Smiling4Sophia & Co. my little small business idea hasn't failed, it hasn't even actually started!!! It's put on pause, until the timing feels more right. Perhaps it'll come back in a different way but I've a book of ideas, a book of product designs ready for that day. I can't say when, I can't say what happens next.

Imagine, one day I stood up in DCU as a final year student, my first public speech, giving a speech on project poverty, talking about social inclusion and destigmatision on issues around homelessness, poverty and mental health. Here I am today, continuing to try make change in this world by spreading awareness of babyloss and making people more aware of realities. Just this week giving a speech to secondary school students on what The Butterfly Garden is about.

My calling was always to care for people, that's why I went into nursing but perhaps my calling was also to break stigma and to improve social inclusion. Stigma of mental health issues, stigma of babyloss, stigma of grief.

But for this moment, I know being a caring loving mother is my core purpose but perhaps Sophia has lead me to another calling...

Only time will tell.

Trust The Timing of Your Life.