August 19th Day of Hope

The Butterfly Garden Mayo

I sit here reflecting on the months I've spent without Sophia. I still feel the emptiness that comes with losing your child but most importantly I notice that as time goes on my love and pride becomes stronger. It's becoming easier to smile despite days I feel the need to just cry for hours. If you ask me I'm doing quite well because I'm just allowing myself to feel.

August 19th Day of Hope is a day to speak about our babies. A day to celebrate their little lives and honour our baby. I know we all honour our babies everyday but today is a day we get to break some of the stigma we face.

I have had false promises, and I have felt let down by society in a short 4 months. I have felt more pain than I should have felt because of sorrowful eyes and people's inability to recognise my grief and more importantly the birth of Sophia. In 4 months I have noticed the sympathy of people disappear. I have noticed people speaking less to me about Sophia, but I still need to speak. I will always speak about her. I have noticed life moving on but I'm frozen, because my life has changed. I am a mother, I had a baby and I lost that baby.

But today is a reminder to me to keep speaking about her, because Sophia is my hope. Today is a reminder to society that it is ok for us to speak about our babies because we love them, we celebrate them and we only wish you'd celebrate with us.

All babies bring love and hope to their parents, it doesn't matter how little their lives were. People look at rainbow babies and I've often heard "You'll have another one, you're young." But the fact is people need to speak Sophia's name and recognise she was her own unique being. Sophia is my hope, my future babies of course will bring me hope but today Sophia is my hope. I want people to recognise this, that although she never got to take her first breathe, she still kicked, she swirled and she lived within me. She could hear us from within. She brought us hope and love. She still brings us hope and love. She will always be my hope and I will always have love for her.

Princess Sophia

When you say her name you give me hope.

I smile when I think of her, I smile when people mention her. I smile because she is my hope. I am always smiling for Sophia.