Anniversary Week

It was raining and it matched my mood, Gurgi hopped into bed and I thought to myself I'll just stay home. A mopey kind of day. Low in energy, low in mood. Griefy and I just didn't want to talk to people.

Having Dan know the féileacáin workshop was on definitely encouraged me to go. I also had a serious inner chat with myself that kind of went like this.

You're not feeling great, you're feeling irritable and you know it's because Thursday is on your mind, life did you wrong and your missing your little girl. That's okay, it's okay and only natural you're feeling like this. But take control Steph, you can't change what happened, you can't control the effects that day has on your mood but you can control what you do with it. Go create something for Sophia. Put all that griefy energy into it. You don't have to talk to anyone. Anyone who knows you will know if your mood is off it's because of the week your in. They've all been there too. Anniversary weeks are hard.

So I went and I didn't speak so much at first, I just focused on the task, creating for Sophia and as the flower arrangements started to come together I felt comfort and a sense of calmness. I looked at what I made and I thought hey I can leave one of these with Sophia for her angelversary. Then came a sense of pride because I did something productive for Sophia. All of a sudden I felt back to myself and naturally started chatting to other mothers. I know I've said it before but I really do recommend the féileacáin workshops!

Anniversary weeks are hard and while I have my rainbows birthday to look forward to that also brings another bunch of mixed emotions that I've to navigate. Just getting the balance right, is what I always say.

Chatting with women who understood those mixed emotions lastnight because they're in similar positions was bittersweet but also lovely, like getting tips too on ways to celebrate their birthday that they share.

I can feel the grief cloud coming ahead of tomorrow but I'm planning my day so that I can have a balance of healthy distractions and also time to face my grief head on to grow and heal further. Wherever your at in your grief, I see you. 3 years ago tomorrow I wouldn't have thought I'd be where I am right now, understanding my grief has really helped me and I can see how far I've come and how my grief has evolved since. Maybe I'll share some insight into that one day.

Sophia's Easter Flower Display for our Home